First unedited article for 'The Battalion'

STATUS REPORT: Texas A&M, College Station, USA
LOCATION: 30º 36’ 5”N, 96º 18’ 52”W
FASHION STYLE: Under investigation
VERDICT: Aggies are fashion laggards

It’s conspicuous.
We are not the fashion campus of Texas or America.
The End.

Now listen why.

Aggieland never was.

We were never the wild child. Jackson Pollock is God here to as many who rate Blocker as the hottest building on campus. We don’t graffitise campus with abstractionism. The African vibrancy, Eastern spiritualism, Parisian suave or Las Vegas flair is as latent as the urge to attend Monday morning class at 8AM.
We are the home of country musicophiles. We are the home of traditions. We are the home of the affable. We are the home of the 12th man. We are not geeks.

We don blue denim with maroon pullovers with yawning regularity. Without doubt, it psychologically dents visiting teams in Kyle Field into ennui; unfortunately enough, it does with the same effect outside. And the potently seductive intelligentsiastic campaign in a long time ‘Saw ‘em Off’ is being (pur)sued by UT. Maybe it’s the UT’s undercover conspiracy not to let us climb the satirical-fashion ladder.

“Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening” once spake fashion First Lady Coco Chanel.
Yes, the braids are there. Yes, the noses and ears are pierced.
Yes, the handbags glitter. Yes, the Beetle (over)speeds University Drive with chicks.
Yes, there is Jack E. Brown engineering building. Yes, there are Corp Cadets.
And yes, there is North Gate (at Friday 1AM).
But, we don’t (won’t) set the ramp afire.
College Station is as laid back as a crocodile in the sun, we love the weather, we love driving the trucks, there is no rush to out compete anybody and the campus is Bushesquely imposing and boring.
We are happy. But we aren’t sexy.

Remedy?

1. Drape Blocker building.
2. Or blame UT. I’m with you.

God bless America.
God bless Texas A&M.
God dress Texas A&M.

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news/2007/02/09/Opinion/Maroons.Out-2708984.shtml