Would Bob date Selma? (Unpublished)

Dear Mom,
I miss you. I hope Dad, Matt, Nathan, Will, Hollie and Mario are rocking. School is great, I’m partying, biking, playing football and attending all classes, so don’t worry. I’ve made a good friend here. Her name is Selma.

Selma. Selma is small. Selma is 75 pounds lighter and 13” shorter than me. Selma only takes 1/3rd of couch length while sleeping in MSC flagroom. Selma says tall girls have a hard time finding a guy. I think Selma should not worry about her height.

Selma. Selma is learned. Selma knows where Delaware and Dakota are. Selma can debate for 2 hours why America needs to pull its troops out from Iraq. Selma watches BBC News. I think Selma should understand US politics more.

Selma. Selma is gentle. Selma is 35 decibels quieter than my clothes dryer. Selma thinks it’s rude to talk out loud when talking to elders and that we should offer snacks when welcoming friends. I think Selma needs to speak louder during presentations.

Selma. Selma parties strangely. Selma once invited me at her house party with her friends Raj, Juan and Wei, where guys to girls ratio was 7:1 with just 12 beer cans and a bottle of vodka. Guys and girls were dancing in different corners and nobody was yelling. Selma thinks it’s inappropriate for guys to take their shirt off while dancing. I think partying should be wild with guys to girls ratio of 1:2, 60 beers and 5 vodkas.

Selma. Selma loves cooking. Selma can cook 10 different dishes with salad, yoghurt and pickles. Selma thinks American diet is funny. Selma uses more oil and spices in her dinner than I eat in one month. I think Selma should not use so many spices.

Selma. Selma is hard working. Selma works on campus, takes 4 courses, saves money when she can and still gets a 4.0. Selma even works on Friday and Saturday nights. I think Selma should not worry about studies all the time and should cool off in Northgate on Friday nights.

Selma. Selma is an elaborate dresser. She loves wearing jewelry, embroidered pullovers but hates too much mascara. Selma dresses seriously when going for class, McDonald’s or football game. I think Selma should let her hair down once a while.

Selma. Selma is weird. Selma carries a hanky everywhere she goes. Selma thinks it’s hygienic to carry one and is also useful during sneezing. Selma thinks Americans use too much tissue paper. Selma takes bath twice a day. I think even once a day is hygienic.

Selma. Selma is an international student on campus.

Selma says hi.
I’ll write to you about us soon.
Love you Mom,

Bob